SHIT HAPPENS
TAOISM:
Shit happens.
RASTAFARIANISM:
Let's smoke this shit.
BUDDHISM
If shit happens it isn't really shit
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
Let me in your house and I will tell you why shit happens
No shit happens until Armageddon.
JUDAISM
Why does this shit always happen to us?
AGNOSTICISM
What is this shit?
CATHOLICISM
If shit happens, you deserve it
Shit happens because you are bad.
PROTESTANTISM
Let shit happen to someone else
CONFUCIANISM:
Confucius say, "Shit happens".
ZEN:
(What is the sound of shit happening?)
JESUITISM:
If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
ISLAM:
Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
PSYCHOANALYSIS:
Shit happens because of your toilet training.
SCIENTOLOGY:
Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
ZOROASTRIANISM:
Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
UNITARIANISM:
Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM:
Let this shit happen to someone else.
REFORM JUDAISM:
Got any Kaopectate?
MYSTICISM:
What weird shit!
AGNOSTICISM:
What is this shit?
ATHEISM:
I don't believe this shit!
NIHILISM:
Who needs this shit?
AZTEC:
Cut out this shit!
QUAKER:
Let's not fight over this shit.
FORTEANISM:
No shit??
12-STEP:
I am powerless to cut the shit.
VOODOO:
Hey, that shit looks just like you!
NEWAGE:
Visualize shit not happening.
DEISM:
Shit just happens.
EXISTENTIALISM:
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
SECULAR HUMANISM:
Shit evolves.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:
Shit is in your mind.
BUDDHISM:
Shit happens, but pay no mind.
SHINTOISM:
Shit is everywhere.
HINDUISM:
This shit has happened before.
WICCA:
Mix this shit together and make it happen!
HASIDISM:
Shit never happens the same way twice.
THEOSOPHY:
You don't know half of the shit that happens.
DIANETICS:
Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST:
No shit on Saturdays.
MOONIES:
Only happy shit really happens.
HOPI:
Corn fertilizer happens.
BAHA'I:
It's all the same shit.
STOICISM:
This shit is good for me.
OBJECTIVISM:
Our shit is good for you.
EST:
If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
REAGANISM:
Don't move; the shit will trickle down.
FASCISM:
Shit makes the trains run on time.
CARGO CULT:
A barge will come and take all the shit away.
EMACS:
Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
DISCORDIANISM:
Some funny shit happened to me today.
